Name- Michelle Connor
Age- 17
Location- Some weird place, not heven, not hell, not on earth.
Sitting Alone
Mood- Unsure, Depressed
Im 17 and i have no idea if im dead or alive. I wish they would just choose for me already! Im really confused now! i have no idea what i am doing here, no idea how to get out, no idea if i want to be dead or alive!
The examiners are well... asses in their own way, but they did give me alot to thik about! I wiash they hadnt, but im gratefukl for a second chance as well. Bet people dont usually get them huh. Well E1 is the more serious of the two. I like that, not so much of teasing. E2 on the other hand is just plain annoying! poking jokes at me, annoying me and freaking me out at times! Guess E1 is incharge of E2. Well tehgre sure is a need for some maturity in E2!
I have heard what everyone out there is trying to tell me. Hell, evenm Chantelle the sister that i disowned is there! Mum and dad probably pulled here to the hospital. They all seem so kind and welcoming. I want to go back... but how long will it last? When i get all better will they still treat me as before? How will i face David? after treating him the way that i did... What will i say to him? can we still be the friends we were before Brandon came along? But he says he loves me! Where does that put our relatioonship? Will it be awakward around him?
And Chantelle! I haTE HER! i DO! How do i deal with that? Will i ever be able to forgive her? Cna i just cut her out of my life? I know that she will not be truely sorry for what she did. She never is! All i wanted was to learn from her, but how can i do that when she sees me as a threat? All i wanted was a normal family! Is that so hard to find!
And my future? Will i get to do arts? Or will mum and dad still treat me the same way? As the daughter that was never good eanough? Will they force upon me all they want? Will they make my room a prison?
Do i want to go back? What if the pain and suffring happens all over again? I cant take another round of it! And school! What are all of them going to think! School was my safe haven before, bnut now everyone is just going to think that im the mad lunatic of a girl who got pregnant and tried to kill herself!
Pregnant!!! My baby! Is he ok? I was such a pig! so selfish! I wanted to take his life! Is he ok? Evenm if he is... will i be able to take cre of him? What kind of mother would even think about killing her child? Ill never be able to face him! No, ill have to goive him away... and mum and dada are clearly not going to support this! But all the pain and suffering! And sachool.. and my education!
ARGH!!!! so many problems! I wanted to abort because Brandon said that it was the best. I trusted that bastard! But now... I think i want to keep the child. It was a rash, impulsive decision, because i didnt want the responsibility.. But i have to grow up, I havbe to stay strong, evenm if it just a front dfor the baby. I cannot bve like my old self... I will have to chnage. I will show everyone that i can do what i want top. I will succed and i will prove to them that I am good at art, im responsible, i can study hard, i can produce the results they always wanted. I will DO IT!
-Priscilla
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